The concept of "finding yourself" is a common trope in self-help literature, but it's fundamentally misguided. Your true self isn't something to be discovered or created—it's already there, unchanging, from birth to death. It's you. It's what brings you joy and what causes you sorrow. It's what you care about deeply. It's who you are.
However, directly knowing yourself presents a paradox. Just as a box cannot contain itself, a knife cannot cut itself, or a security camera cannot view itself, you cannot directly perceive your true self. Instead, you experience yourself through emotions—joy when you're aligned with your authentic self, anger or frustration when you're not.
Your conscious mind, while in control of your actions, doesn't inherently know itself. You can make yourself do things, but to ensure these actions align with your true self, you must listen to your heart—your emotional compass. This might seem obvious, but it's been deliberately obscured.
Society has long told us it's not okay to be our authentic selves. We've been taught to control and suppress our true nature, replacing it with layers of judgments and beliefs. These constructs form an 'ego'—an image of who we think we should be. But this ego is superfluous. You already are something; you don't need this fabricated self-image to define you. You have a heart to guide you; you don't need an artificial construct of who you think you are—that's nonsense.
Your heart, which informs you through emotions when you're acting in accordance with your true self, also regulates your energy. When you're not following your authentic self, your heart withholds energy. This leads to a loss of motivation and then depression. In such situations, people often resort to stealing or manipulating energy from others to continue functioning, as their own heart no longer supports them.
But there's a better solution. Your conscious mind needs to recognize that it's part of a whole being that already has a personality, wants, needs, fears, and desires. Instead of acting according to some artificial self-image imposed by society, it needs to align with your true self.
Discovering your true self isn't about changing who you are or becoming someone new. It's about peeling away the layers of societal expectations and false self-images to reveal the authentic you that's been there all along. It's about learning to listen to your heart, to trust your emotions as guides, and to align your actions with your core self.
That ego-less true self is a complete personality. It's not holier-than-thou. It doesn't want to sit under a tree meditating. It may be shy. It may be afraid. It may even be weak. But it is you, and it is the only you that you will ever be.
In the end it always turns out that your true self is exactly who you always wished you were. It is better than your wildest dreams, and greater than your greatest hopes.
Once you know your true self, you will also know that it was never lost nor diminished by turning away from it. Then you no longer need to be afraid of others' opinions, nor of making mistakes. It does not need to be improved and it cannot be lost, and so there is no longer any reason to rush around seeking power or status.
The only thing that you ever wanted to be is that which you already were all along. But you don't know that until you see it for yourself.